After Edward moved to the mountains I was ready to be single.
Leaving Greg was hard but leaving Edward was a little more like relief. Don’t get me wrong I was sad to lose Edward, because I felt like I had failed him, us and myself, but I could see that we were being unhealthy to each other. It was in our best interest to separate; consequently, I decided my best interest was to be single.
I managed to find myself a one bedroom palace in a garden suite of a mansion in North Vancouver. I lived at the top of the city on a quiet cul-de-sac; better yet, above my house was only forest, littered with hiking, mountain biking and the Baden Powell Trail (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baden-Powell_Trail). It was the most magical place and it was all mine. I felt like I was finally ready to ‘adult’, and take care of myself instead of someone else.
When Greg and I were together I started us on a healthier lifestyle and together we both lost about 30lbs. When I left Edward I refocused my energy into myself again and lost another 30lbs! I used my new transformed body to run a half marathon that year and gained some more of the ‘beach bod’ I had wanted when I originally started my transformation with Greg. Regardless, loosing 60 lbs. is definitely a game changer.
I continued to change my world by volunteering within my field of passion, music. I had been attending festivals for the last few summers and I wanted that culture in my daily life. Living in the city can be brutal and having a sense of community became invaluable. An easy transition, after working in a pub/night club to start working for the DJ’s that play there instead. It took a bit of time to network but I made it entertaining while running a muck with other industry friends;
and that is where this story starts…
The neat part about my new found confidence is that not only guys were approaching me, girls were too, and sometimes both! One night, after his shift at work, the Chef came down to ask me a question. While we were chatting, he pointed out his Lady Friend and wanted to know if I thought she was cute. It didn’t take me a moment to realize what he really wanted to know… I told him I would love to.
The three of us had a magical time. The two of them were not a serious couple, more like casual lovers, and that dynamic gave the three of us a lot of space to play with; moreover a lack of jealousy. It was so refreshing to be with a woman who was celebrating me instead of competing with me. After this experience, I realized, being single didn’t mean being alone. I could be with couples and it felt safe; we all knew our place. Not only did I feel loved, I felt special. I wanted to explore this dynamic more for myself.
I managed to find more than one profound experience being the ‘third wheel’ which I later discovered is more commonly known as the term ‘Unicorn’. I wouldn’t know any of the terms related to non-monogamy until I started my blog series the following year. For any readers who haven’t heard the term yet, typically ‘Unicorn’ has had a negative connotation. Generally, meaning a bisexual (usually female) in a derogatory role, as a couple’s pet or toy; additionally the Unicorn does not engage in another relationship for themselves. More loosely it just means the third person joining an already established couple.
As for the three of us, we navigated through a beautiful triad of a friendship that ebbed and flowed through other relationships over the course of 2 years. They found me when I was fresh from leaving Edward; coincidentally, a year later Chef and I helped our Lady friend when she left her abusive boyfriend. We were there to pick each other up and celebrate all that made us who we were. Scars and all. They are both still some of my closest friends.
I chose to take back the power of my title.
I had already celebrated love, with the couple from the Houseboat on their 10 year anniversary, and now with friends. Over the next 4 years (and counting) I have been a Unicorn of love; whether I was one of three or the third of two, my single life is full of love. I have powerful couples in my life who understand what it means to flow in life and love and I am forever grateful to be a part of their lives. More of those stories to come.
After my whirlwind adventures with Chef and Lady, I did go back to the idealization of a primary partner. Having someone, to do all of the fun things I wanted to do with, seemed ideal; moreover, later in life being intimate with our new friends along the way was like something out of a dream. I wanted to find my partner in crime. At this point, I was ready to jump into the dating pool but wasn’t sure where to start. My middle ground? The comfortable trusty old ‘friends-with-benefits’ arrangement never fails! I could easily slip into my usual modus operandi while regaining focus on myself. Or maybe I could try dating for real?
The following story deserves its own entry. Please read on next week…
May the love be with you
Poly Yoda
Polyyoda 