“Why don’t you try being celibate for a year?”
“Woah, dude baby steps!” I couldn’t imagine a whole year. “How about we start with a month?”
My best friend was trying to console me as I expressed my final frustrations with Tinder. I had been in an emotionally abusive relationship for about a year and a half; followed by being single, for about a year and a half. I loved being single in my youth, but ironically at the ripe age of 27, I felt like I was now the older crowd in the dating scene. I never really dated in the first place either; consequently I had no concept of the “game.” Don’t get me wrong I knew how to “score” but I didn’t want to with just anyone. I am picky, not in the usual sense, I don’t mind what you look like; I care more about the energetic connection. Might sound a little hippy dippy but that’s the best way to describe the ‘spark’. I had a past of becoming intimate with my closest friends; a blessing and a curse.
To give some context, I am a bit of a ‘tomboy’ in the sense that I relate to male behavior quite naturally. Now I know all you feminists out there are wondering what male behavior is. Let’s put semantics aside, all I mean is that I spent more time hanging out with a group of guys than a group of girls. Predominantly, because I was more interesting in being a pyromaniac and rolling in dirt than putting on makeup and shopping at the mall. Anyway, being the only girl among boys is a privilege that I have enjoyed most of my life. Whether it was learning the secret language of boys (there is no secret language they are pretty straight forward) or observing which girl behaviors made them tick, I spent my adolescence admiring and understanding masculine energies of my world. I also spent my time consoling the boys, earning a spot in their heart and eventually their bed.
So, back to my phone call with my best friend…
“Yeah, why not and then write a blog about it?”
“Now your onto something!” A creative outlet could get rid of some of this anxt.
I made a blog site to document the hilarity that would be my dating experience, sans sex. Well…turns out as soon as I took sex off the table, it was suddenly the holy grail and every boy I met or told about it, took it upon himself to try to ‘save me.’ Eventually after a whirlwind of Dj’s, friends, old lovers, new lovers and some clingy possessive partners, I finally witnessed how the ‘chase’ really is the whole point. It seemed at that point my reason for writing a blog should be related to the reality of our sex lives, instead of poking fun at my ability to say no to every guy in Vancouver. Sexual encounters are the forbidden fruit and I don’t know about you but as soon as someone tells me not to do something I kind of (really) want to do it. Well this same reaction came to my potential lovers as well. I started my ‘research’ in Jan and by June I had two consistent partners both lasting over 6 months (at the same time and I’ll revisit them later in the blog series); but not before three months of insanity with a boy who couldn’t respect my need for freedom. That is the other change I made after deleting Tinder, announcing that I AM POLYAMOROUS.
Without this disclaimer I was not being true to myself and possibly misguiding my partners. It was important to me that they were aware of my lifestyle, that way when I had a date with someone else there was little to no fuss or muss about it. Even more crucial, not to surprise a partner further down the road, if feelings develop between me and a new partner, or if we exchange ‘karmic energy’ (this is my synonym for sexual intercourse). As much as men loved the idea of my polyamory they all seemed to expect a threesome with me and another women (…for clarity purposes I do like women but regardless of my interest…) as soon as they heard me utter the word poly, guys would soon forget that I also would want to date other men. This is where the true nature of their opinion would emerge. I remember I had waited a few dates to tell one boy and as I was rambling on while he drove me home, he was very uncomfortable with the idea that I had been a Unicorn (Unicorn #5) with a married couple. This is when I promised to always start out by sharing my true lifestyle and desires. If you don’t communicate your desires, they will never have the opportunity to happen. If you can’t handle the heat, get out of the kitchen!
Well, on that note it’s about time we get into the juicy stories. Welcome to my blog about all things Poly. I am here to share my world, opinions, stories and perhaps some advice to shed light on the convoluted world that is polyamory.
So what is Polyamory? Polyamory is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships involving more than two people, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory).
The most important part is the KNOWLEDGE AND CONSENT OF EVERYONE INVOLVED. Without this principle, parties involved are in for a world of confusion, jealousy, pain and possibly health risks. If you are hoping to navigate through the poly world, check yourself and verify how honest you really are. This world is not for the faint hearted. This world is not for the envious who want to have possession of their partners. This is for the lovers of the world who celebrate love in all forms especially of like-minded humans, especially toward those who share their partners. Compersion is an asset!
Compersion can be thought of as the opposite of “jealousy;” it is a positive emotional reaction to a loved one’s other relationship. (www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Compersion)
On that note, I welcome you and thank you for coming to my site!
Happy loving and of course,
May the Love be with you ❤
PolyYoda
Polyyoda 